September 8th 2011 — birth month
Last year, I attended a very close friends wedding on my birthday. I tried to ignore the fact that I was turning 35. I brought a girlfriend as my date- to another girlfriends wedding. The sound of any ”happy birthday” messages was lulled out by my date’s endless horror stories about her (then) engagement to a chauvinistic Paki guy. Don’t worry, she is not still with him… and she has a couple new options in front of her — so, all is good in her world.
On the other hand, I still remember September 25th 2010 as one of the loneliest nights of my life. A mixed bag of emotion - so happy for my friend Joanna, as she made the perfect bride, and got to marry her long-term boyfriend and best friend, yet- so sad for myself. Never in a million years did I imagine being alone at that age – and here we are… back in September – one year later.
Why do birthday’s have to feel so bad? It happens to everyone… nobody likes to get older. Some days I think, I’m gonna have a huge party – and punch the “fear of ageing” right in its ugly face. Other day’s… I just want to disappear and be alone- actually alone – not surrounded by friends and still feeling alone.
A lot has changed in the past year. I changed my job, and actually love where I work now. I renovated my place, and actually love where I live now. I changed my diet/began working out regularly, and actually love the way my body looks now. Finally, I am actively dating and meeting new people weekly, and I am truly open to the possibility of love. Survey says, I can’t live without love – I need it in all aspects of my life. Being a person who knows what love looks like when it’s right, I can’t – and won’t, give up on it.. even if I am turning a year older.
I am starting to panick a little… but this year, I am not going to let myself down. I am not going to try to cancel the bday, and I am certainly not going to pretend I don’t care about it… I am just going to be me - whatever form that takes, I’ll love it.
just a guess, but i’ll venture to say that you prob have friends who are like you as well. have met nice guys that they kno will treat them greatly, but had sum strange ideas in your heads about ideal this and that. life ain’t a movie. if a guy is very nice to you, there isn’t a better thing you’re going to find.
Comment by roops shah — September 14, 2011 @ 2:01 pm
Comment by Streo777 — September 14, 2011 @ 9:57 pm
My lips are shaking my nails are bit off.
Been a month since I’ve heard myself talk.
All the advantage this life’s got on me.
Picture a coffin in the middle of the sea.
And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
I got memories. I got shit so much it don’t show.
Oh, I walked alive when you held me in that night.
I walked alive when you held my hand that night.
An empty shell seems so easy to crack.
Got all these questions. Don’t know who I could even ask.
So I’ll just lie alone and wait for the dream where I’m not ugly and you’re looking at me.
And I stay in bed. Oh, little ive seen there.
If just once I could feel loved, oh, Stare back at me . Yeah.
But I walked alive when you held me in that night.
Oh, I walked alive when you held my hand that night.
Oh, I walked alive when you held me close that night.
I paid the price. Never held you in real life.
My lips are shaking…
Comment by Streo777 — September 14, 2011 @ 10:01 pm
Your article was execlelnt and erudite.
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Comment by Cannon — September 16, 2011 @ 3:53 pm
You are an amazing catch. Find yourself a truly good man. Someone you respect and trust. Someone who respects you and treats you well. Chemistry is fleeting. Hair style and clothing are artificial. Marriages based on chemistry and “that certain something” die every day. We all change, all the time. Our definition of “perfect” changes, too – and the person who is perfect right now will change, if only subtly, next week. The loves that last are based on that core – the person who you just feel good around, who you can be yourself around. The person who will go out of his way to support you and show his love. Go for quality, and go for it at the heart. Sure, attraction matters – but horse first, then cart.
Comment by A follower — September 24, 2011 @ 3:38 pm