mydatingreality

“i married an idea” | August 25, 2011

Thursday August 25th 2011 — but, whose idea was it?

I met an old friend for dinner last night. He is someone  I always thought saw the world the same way I did. We’ve been close for the last 15 years. I grew up hearing stories about his girlfriends, and how he was different than the typical Pakistani guy. Every time we would talk about relationships, he was assure me, when and if he marries, it will be for love. Well — just like so many do, he sold out. Off to Pakistan… back with a wife.

My Sell-out was in town for business last night…  we met for dinner. I said “please tell me you are madly in love with your wife”. He shrugged his shoulders, and responded  ”I think I married an idea”. Why have I heard that before? I reminded him, while we were growing up… it was his “idea” to fall in love, then marry. His stories gave  me courage. His independence made me feel like it would be possible to follow my heart instead of tradition. I wanted to know what “idea” got him to have an arranged marriage? When did his “idea” of what mattered change? He responded with “I don’t think anyone should get married unless they want to have kids”. When I asked if he is ready to have kids after 2 years of marriage – he said “I can’t even picture that right now”. I had to ask, “Why did you have an arranged marriage back then to have kids someday in the future?”. All I got back – a blank stare.

I love him- as a friend. There could have been chemistry between us… but, I always wanted to see him with my sister. I used to tell him I wanted him in my family… and I thought he and my sis would be great together. They kinds-sorta tried to talk… but neither really gave it the shot I wanted them to. He and I may have been a better fit- but I was always afraid to admit that. He is best friends with my 1st love (the one that I never held hands with). I refused to admit feelings for My Sell-out… because I didn’t want to tarnish the image I had of that 1st innocent love. I was a dumb-dumb !

He married an idea. I want so badly for the “idea” to be everything he was ever looking for. I am no expert, but my fear for My Sell-out is the “idea” was someone else’s, and he just sold-out on himself.