mydatingreality

“man-kind” | July 6, 2011

Wednesday July 6th 2011 — the irony in the word kills me

Maybe the word should be written Mankind? It has been my experience lately than “Man” can be very unkind. Maybe the word was created as a suggestion to “Man” …

I gotta be honest, I am frustrated. How is a girl supposed to maneuver through this “dating” activity without getting completely derailed at times?

The one I haven’t wanted to talk about… the “phoner”, he is the official cause of my temporary derailment. He was visiting Chicago this past weekend…. and we were supposed to spend time together. I should have known something was fishy when he originally told me he was coming in Friday-Monday, then it turned into Sunday-Monday… you know with all the scheduling conflicts an ever important physician deals with. I should have disengaged when he texted me he was at the Cubs game on Saturday… the same game he had asked me to attend with him on several, separate occasions. No, instead, I give him the benefit of the doubt. Why? because I can empathize. I know what it’s like to make plans with people when you are “coming home”, and I know what it’s like to double and triple book. He could have just talked to me about it, but boys will be boys — and conversation is not their forte. At least this one had warned me that he was horrible at communication. Pitfalls expected, I proceeded with caution. We did actually have plans on Sunday– and, as much as I didn’t want to admit this, he was always on my mind, and I was SO excited to see him. We had been communicating since late April… and my feelings for “the phoner” had grown, considerably. At any rate, I should not have been shocked when I didn’t hear from him all day Sunday. I should have been able to keep my emotions in check- but, I am a human. I feel with my heart, and I react with it too. By 7:30p on Sunday, I had it. He got a not-so-nice text…. and I got “Wow – I didn’t mean to hurt anybody, take care” response. Really dude?!

That should be it. So, why am I still so sad???? Why, am I thinking about him? Is it because I can’t have him? Or, is it because when we talked, I could see myself in every scenario and situation he was describing? Is it because I could hear myself talk to him…. and not get tired of it? Is it because, for the 1st time, I found the attraction in the person, and not the package. Or, is it because I want the end so bad, I don’t want to see that I had and have every right to be disappointed in him, and have the right to feel that I didn’t deserve his behavior. In the months we have been talking, I have told him repeatedly, if he ever gets to a point that he does not “feel” things for me… then to tell me, and walk away. I didn’t ask to be stood up on a weekend that I had been looking forward to for quite some time.

Whatever it is, it does not matter. I deserve an apology… and I am confident he is not man-kind enough to give it to me. He is a boy.