July 5th 2011 — coming out of convention weekend
This past weekend, Muslims from all over the country got together at the annual Islamic Society of North America conference that was held at the Rosemont Convention Center in Illinois.
Personally, I have been attending ISNA since at least 1992- only missing one conference in the past 19 years! ISNA was the 1st place I fell in love… and has played a decent sized role in my social life. Sitting in the hotel lobbies, playing cards, socializing with boys… all things I was not allowed to openly do at any other point in the year. But, since these were good Muslim boys, attending the same religious conference I dragged my entire family to year after year — I was allowed to sit up all night with them. I even walked around the conference one year with my awesome Muslim boyfriend –we had lunch right in the center of the action, and I felt confident that would be my last ISNA as a “single” girl.
The very next year, I was enrolled in the ISNA Matrimonial mixer… as my great guy had left me for an arranged marriage. A girl chosen by his mother — she and I could not be more different. He dated me, and married her.
I have been wrong about a lot of things in life… including the safety I felt by surrounding myself with “like-minded” people. If I am being honest, the people I was surrounding myself with, and assigning the most amount of “hope” of a future with– those people who attended the ISNA conference annually — they are only like a part of me. They are not truly “like” my mind. I am far more liberal than most. I have an openness towards all types of people, and choices in life — I do not think there is one way for all people to be– without ever questioning if its right for them.
This year, I struggled with how I was going to treat my long-standing relationship with ISNA. There is something I love about being there.. but, in recent years, I have been feeling more rejected and hurt after attending the conference. The matrimonial events leave me so vulnerable, wishing someone would walk up to me, and at least act like they were interested. It can’t be that far-fetched a concept… I get hit on by non-Muslims all the time. This year, I didn’t want the pain after ISNA weekend. For the 1st time in 19 years, I told my family I was not planning to attend. Told my parents, if you come, please get a hotel, and I may or may not see you.
Of course, like an addict, I ended up spending the night with a cousin that was in town working at ISNA on Friday night. The difference was, I woke up Saturday morning, and put less thought into my outfit than ever before. I walked down to the convention, and had a very casual lunch with some cousins. After lunch, I took a long stroll thru all the isles of the bazaar, picked up a couple of items I needed, said my goodbyes– and left before the Saturday night matrimonial event even began.
I do want to meet someone… at some point. But, I refuse to put myself in situations that feel bad. There is a good chance that my methods will not lead me to a Muslim man… I don’t care. I just care they lead me to an honest and respectful man.
ISNA was perfect this year!
