Wednesday September 28th 2011 — I’m 36 years old
It happened a couple of days ago… and I still don’t know how I feel about it. Honestly, i thought it would feel worse. So what, I’m in the warning label age “35+”. So what I have a couple greys…. I promise I still get checked out just as much as girls 10 years younger. I’m not gonna lie, the still being “single” part – that’s the one that stings. Where was I when everyone was busy getting “husbands”?!
In the past couple weeks, I’ve been doing a lot of “observing”. The young, the older, the happily married, the unhappily married, the newly engaged…. a lot of different people at various stages… yet a lot of common behaviors. Overall – people needing to belong, to feel accepted. People afraid of “different”. Security in groups and group think….
All this introspectiveness has also reminded me of what I used to think when I was 27/28 years old. I was hot shit, and I used to feel bad for any girl 35+…. especially if she was not married with children. She was living the dreaded “single life”. Now, I feel like that was 10 minutes ago… and here I am – I have turned into the woman I used to feel bad for. Yet… I don’t feel bad for me. I don’t feel great for me – but I definitely don’t feel bad for me.
I have crossed a finish line… I do feel like a woman. I am 35+. I have not finished the race. I finally realized my “race” is not to get to marriage… it’s to get to the best version of me. I have many more finishes ahead…. but hopefully the race will go on forever.
